Beyond the Lens

When we moved our family 10 months ago, we didn't know what expect. Besides the obvious difference of weather, much to our surprise there were many changes in store for us. Sure, to people seeing our pictures, everything looked wonderful! Warm weather, Disney trips and watching the sunset on the never ending sea looked like a dream! But the thing about pictures is they usually show the best parts of life or the memories we want to remember. Pictures didn't show a sleepy husband commuting 2 hours to work each way. They didn't show a struggling 8 year boy going through major issues in school. Pictures never showed confused parents of that boy searching for an answer to help their son. They didn't show our faces after each time we heard of yet another date set back to open Noah's new store. While capturing life's most precious and cherished memories on camera is nothing short of a miracle, living the moments beyond the lens is where real life can be found.
We lived out our day-to-day's with many life changing moments not seen or known by many and that is what made our decision to stay Florida a difficult one. While many changes were happening around us, we ourselves were changing. We were happier, growing spiritually at our church and finding peace with a slower pace of life. With time narrowing down and Aldi needing an answer we sought the Lord's direction and made the best decision for our family. It certainly wasn't the most popular decision and we know it hurt the people we love most. But now experiencing both sides of a move, being the one left behind and being the one leaving, I understand why people make these difficult decisions. They felt something, they lived it out, they experienced it and they made a choice. Going into great detail of why we came to this decision will never be suffice because there will always be those who understand and those who don't, I love them both. We can't say for certain this will be our forever home, but Florida is our home right now.

"For those who understand, no explanation is needed.

For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible."

Friends are like Seashells

Some of my best thinking is done while I lay in bed at night. I could count down from 30 and my husband is already sleeping, but for the rest of the general population who doesn't fall asleep in under a minute, we think. I think of potential blog content all the time and then kick myself the next day because I can't remember the idea! However, today is not one of those days. In fact, I have had this idea for a few days and it is on the topic of FRIENDS! "So no one told you life was gonna be this way....." Ha! Made you sing, didn't I?!?!? I recently wrote on my Instagram about a new friend that I made. She has been nothing short of amazing to me and our family as we adjusted to life here in Naples and "just like a seashell, I placed her in my beautiful collection of friends that have helped me through many stages of my life". I can name a few really good friends who have made such an impact in my life. They weren't perfect but never claimed to be. They loved me for my crazy loud personality and most of all they made me feel like I was making a difference in their life. Friendship is very much about reciprocity, which simply means a relationship in which two people or groups agree to do something similar for each other. If you don't believe me, think of someone in your life, past or present who just didn't seem as invested in your friendship as you were. Maybe they didn't respond to phone calls or texts. Maybe they didn't try to care about your life as much as you would like them to. Or maybe they "accidently" left you out of events...no matter what the situation, it is a horrible feeling. As terrible as this may sound, I know I have been "that friend" before. I'm embarrassed to even admit that, but I know I could have been a better friend to many people and therefore, because I was not being a good friend, they eventually stopped trying to be one to me. For the friends that we didn't screw things up with or the ones that stuck around no matter what, you know they are your "ride or die" friends. Ok, maybe not the best analogy but I have always wanted to use that phrase. When you know you have one of those friends, don't let them go! In the same way when on a beautiful beach and you find the biggest, most unique seashell you have ever laid eyes on, you don't pick it up and toss it back out to sea, you hold on to it! You take special care of it and find the perfect spot for it in your house. Friends are the same way, instead of placing them in jars or vases...(boy, that would be weird) you place the friendship in your heart, where it's safe.

Now that we live in Florida, seashells are a huge part of our life. My kids will find 50 of the same looking shells and beg to take them all home. So, when they aren't looking I quietly toss them back in the ocean ... I have to draw the line somewhere! This is where shells and friends are different. When I came down here, I truly thought I wouldn't need any friends. I had amazing ones back home, (shout out to you ladies back in the 815) I really thought my heart was full enough and there was no way I could open it up to any new friendships. Much to my surprise, I was wrong. God knows what we need and when we need it. He puts people in our path that we didn't even know we needed. When I look back on all the friendships I have made over the years, they all have that one thing in common RECIPROCITY. Not all friendships will be equally balanced all the time, but you know when they are down, you are there to life them up because they would do the same for you in a heartbeat! How can you be a better friend this week? Have you found yourself in an unbalanced friendship? Is it time to start collecting more shells?

We made it!

I remember climbing the Camel Back mountain in Arizona as a teenager. I was much thinner and energetic back then but I can still recall the struggle of hiking up that mountain...and even better I remember the feeling I had when I reached the top. The ALDI relocation had occupied my time and thoughts for almost 2 years. All the time leading up to the actual move day, other wise known as the climb, was exhausting. I thought maybe we made the wrong choice and we should just turn around and head back down the mountain...but we kept climbing. As we got higher up on the mountain I could see the top and the people around me helped me keep going with words of encouragement. The moment you step on top of a mountain relief, disbelief and adrenaline, rush in. I was relieved to have made it up to the top, I was in disbelief my perseverance paid off and I had such a burst of energy! All these feelings were identical to what I had felt when we finally stepped foot into our Naples home. I was grateful that God had supplied me with everything my family and I needed to get to this point in our lives.
We moved over a month and a half ago and it has been nothing short of amazing. I would be lying if I said I didn't miss home. I miss my family, my friends and something as simple as a hug from someone who cares about me. I was blessed to even have those things to miss, but as for day to day life, it is truly good. God has provided a great spirit filled church, the one constant normal thing we have. I truly think God planned us finding our church because it is a perfect fit for our family.
Noah and I have been on the same page spiritually which excited me more than anything. We know we aren't here by accident, seeds are being planted and if that in itself is all we are supposed to be doing, then I am happy to be of use to glorify the Kingdom.

We made it and I am excited to live out the rest of our time here!!!!

Rolling with the punches or throwing them?

My people who know me best wouldn't say that I like change. But who really does? If you raised your hand (I couldn't see it) I would think you are crazy. Sure, for some people complacency is their worst nightmare, but for me, it is a safety blanket. I thrive when I know what comes next or what to expect. If you want to see me at my worst, tell me that what was planned is no longer happening OR better yet make me wait for an answer! The latter is our current situation with our upcoming move to Florida. The longer we don't hear a response of the logistics of the move, the more my mind rattles in fear that something is wrong. This new season of change is a pivotal point for our family. We are moving to another state, out of our comfort zone, and completely stepping out on faith that God is allowing this change. I am excited but at the same time I am terrified. As I sat in church the other night God spoke so clearly to me about why I was worried. I didn't trust Him and He was teaching me about patience. My 2 year and old and I act the same way when we aren't getting what we want. I ask over and over until someone gets annoyed...my son may be able to get away with that kind of behavior, however,that is not the correct way for a 29 year old to act. God is gently showing me how to roll with the punches He is throwing. I am doing my best to dodge them but as I learned this week I needed to stand and take the punch. Yesterday the questions we asked were answered and I knew exactly why. I had reached a breakthrough 2 days prior and God spoke so clearly to me about why these questions took a long time to get answered. He was trying to teach me to trust Him. I always say that I trust Him, but in my heart I am struck with worry and doubt, both of which we know does NOT come from the Lord. God is a God of peace and he would not lead me out of a desert just to have me die. He is taking me to the promised land. Our promised land is Florida. We prayed fervently about this move. We sought wise counsel, we did everything that as Christians we were supposed to do, so when the answer came back that Noah was chosen to go to Florida, we knew God was allowing us to start a new season. After we made this decision God's peace infiltrated our minds and hearts. But just like a toddler cries in fear their parent might not return, I too wondered if God was going to continue to carry us through. I am proud to say that today, I know He will. You see, throughout this whole process God was subtly giving me glimmers of His faithfulness but I was too engulfed in worry, I failed to notice. During my breakthrough I repented of my misbelief and my child like patience. God showed me each of the times He did give me answers and I would double guess myself a billion times. Take the first answer he gives you and RUN WITH IT! Do not ask again, unless of course your answer can not be backed up biblically. The more ask, the higher the risk is for getting multiple results.

The Technology Trap

You would have to be completely against technology or not have a pulse if you haven't heard of the Ashley Madison website leak. In recent news a popular cheating website and all it's users were blasted online by a spunky hacker clan. While the truth will set you free, some people or couples can't handle this devastating truth. Infidelity itself is not a new problem, the way people cheat,  is.
Technology has become our master and pornography is at the underbelly of our slave ship. Some may argue that watching pornography is harmless, however, there are millions of marriages who will disagree. With thousands of porn and dishonorable websites at our fingertips, cheating is easier and more tempting than ever before. The Internet holds so many wonderful things like talented musicians, interesting facts or my personal favorite,  hilarious prank videos..  But it also holds the key to an underground world of lust and deception.... In short, we are technologically trapped... The phone or computer we send family photos on or work emails or midterm papers from, we can also find cheating websites and full blown porn videos on the same device. How do we separate those 2 worlds? How do we protect our families from becoming trapped? The solution is found in our heart. What our eyes see will take root in our heart so above all else, guard your heart! The relationship or marriage you are in or will be in is far more valuable than any image on a screen. I am well aware of addiction to pornography but I am also well aware of amazing support groups and marriages that survived infidelity. The sooner we realize what is truly at the root of cheating, the better we can prevent heartbreak. You wouldn't send someone into battle with out proper gear so don't let your heart be exposed to things with out guarding it daily. The good news is God is the only way we can hope for a changed heart because once he enters into a heart,  relationship or marriage all things are possible and a super strength is found using His resources.

In a blink of an eye the month of July is gone... Now that I think about it, the year 2015 is half over! What a year it has been. So far this year has held some extreme highs and sadly some horrible lows. Losing my mother-in-law was probably the most traumatic event in my adult life. I try to imagine life with out her... it's unbearable and yet we are doing it. If I close my eyes and quiet myself enough I can hear voice and picture her with all 3 of my kids jumping in her lap. I lay awake at night thinking of how I could have done more, said more, been more... Then I am gently reminded that it's over. God chose to have her leave this earth to be with Him. I will never be ok with that decision but I know she loved Jesus and for accepting that simple gift of Salvation, she will spend eternity with our maker. I was blessed to have know her and so was everyone else who knew her. It amazes me that her life touched so many others and her love was her legacy.

Identify your identity

Blogging seems to be the new trendy pass time of our fast paced, technology filled lifestyle, but lets not forget for just a moment that a "blog" is really just a fancy way of saying "written thoughts". I can think of a few good biblical heads that would be considered fabulous bloggers, David, Paul, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.... to name just a few... But I digress.

It is currently 12:22 am and as usual, my almost 2 year old son is asleep on the couch next to me. I was woken up by him, for the second time, so I thought I would continue some research I had started earlier on testimonies of ex gay, now Christian, people. To my surprise, I have found lots of them! One in particular was shocking to me because it was coming from a 75 year old woman. Her name was Roberta and she had quite a remarkable story. She spoke of her childhood and adolescent years that were spent in confusion of not knowing why she was different. Roberta was so honest about her struggles and fears. She lived with women, slept with women, had multiple failed realtionships and almost took her life when thankfully God gave her a vision. She dreamt that she was at the gates of hell when Jesus appeared to her, telling her to change. She was saved shortly after and even then she admitted that she just believed that God just made her to be homosexual. Roberta talked about not wanting to give in the truth, it was easier to continue believing a lie than face the harsh reality of the truth...but we all know the truth shall set you free! She finally gave into knocking at her heart and gained a new identity, one only defined by the love of Jesus.

When we are a new creation in Christ we are still who we are, but have a new found purpose and identity. Before God saved Roberta, she was Roberta the homosexual. After God saved Roberta, she became Roberta, daughter of the most high king. I truly believe that once people are living in God’s truth and see themselves through his love, their  identity has to change.

 I can't help but to compare homosexuality to my struggle with food addiction. It would be easier for me to say that I was born to love food, I can't change, I won't change because I have no desire to change but in reality I am well aware that gluttony is a sin. Even in my heart I know that when I over eat and obsess over food, I am committing a sin. It is something I have to repent of all the time. Every person struggles with a different problem. I could look a drug addict and think "just quit" while they could look at me and say "just stop eating". God looks at us both and says "I can heal you both".

God is no respecter of persons. He treats us all the same, loves us all the same and wants all of us to love Him in return. The concept is quite simple but the journey getting there isn't. My walk with the Lord that seems to be easy at times and yet an uphill battle at other times, always leads back to this: "God's grace will always surpass my efforts to be like Christ".  Rest in His goodness and  find peace in your God given identify instead of your world given one.